dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
