i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Shame - the story of my life.
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