i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
