so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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