He kissed a someone with a penis
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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