I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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