the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
