Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
