If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
