It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
