i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
