Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
