I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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