called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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