there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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