One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
