My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
