he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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