farters have to be the big spoon...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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