yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
