college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
