I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
