I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
