Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am midnight drunk by noon
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
