just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
