If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
