i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You ruined the universe
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
