I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
