sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
