I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
