Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
