you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
