If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
