I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
