I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
