I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
