Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
