Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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