smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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