I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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