i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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