peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
