im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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