Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
