I haven't been this sober since birth.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
