That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
