Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
