oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
