four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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