Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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