Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
