Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Randomize
