why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
