I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
