Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
