you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
