so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
