I haven't been this sober since birth.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
