Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She's like a pop up book from hell.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
