So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
